Friday, December 17, 2004


before i post the link to a site i just found i'd like to state categorically that i came across it by accident, honestly. it was a related link on alexa.com.
So according to alexa, "people who visit this site also visit TLC Tugger".

that's all i have to say.

Thursday, December 16, 2004


This is quite a poll + results (from 4013 votes):

If you had to choose, what would you do?
1. Give a horse a blowjob and swallow the hot load. (19.9 %)
2. Let a girl stick over a dozen baby eels in your ass. (49.1 %)
3. Let a japanese woman throw up in your mouth and eat her vomit. (31.0 %)

i have a dream. One day splattermail will get over 4000 votes for a poll like this.


after reading our friends' post a few weeks back about their new ultra stylish stretched merc, i thought we better show our car. it's always important to keep up with the joneses. unfortunately there are no flames up the bonnet (we couldn't afford the artist).

and in the back there's a bit of room for a concert and a few thousand people...

[Pink Floyd entertained us last week]

i'd show you what was going on in the front but paris, giselle, and "the hof" would sue our pants off.... if you know what i mean.

i'm tired, better go for a spin. outta my way gramps!!

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

The Skeletar

Got this link from boing boing today, although i saw it a few weeks back on Josh Rubin's Cool Hunting.

Carved from one piece of wood, this guitar is bound to get the women going whilst playing kumbyya (sp?) around the camp fire.

I tried to find a screen capture of the "No Stairway to heaven" sign from Wayne's World, but Google wasn't up to it. sorry.

Get your's today!

On a serious note...

In the absence of salami, I've decided to post something a bit more serious:

Drinking game puts Perth man near death
A 21-year-old Perth man is lucky to be alive after having his stomach ripped open during a beer-skolling game using a home-made device powered by an electric pump.

The drinking game at a 21st birthday party in a southern suburb 10 days ago went badly wrong, rupturing the man's stomach and forcing beer straight into his abdomen.

The man, who is in St John of God Hospital in Murdoch and spent a week in intensive care fighting for his life, was among a group of friends at a private party who used the device.

It is believed to have consisted of a helmet fitted with a jug from which a hose was attached to a pump that was powered by a power drill.

Another hose from the pump was placed in his mouth and the pump was switched on, pushing beer from the jug down his throat.

The man, a mechanical drafter who did not want his name published, said yesterday that about six other party-goers had used the "jug helmet" before him.

"No one else had any problems and I didn't think it would be any different to other things like funnels that people use," he said.

"But I knew something wasn't right soon after I drank from it. I started spewing up red stuff and was in a lot of pain."

The story continues here - The West Australian

(original post found on boing boing)

In other news, the guys at Jo'blog have posted a video clip of them being interviewed on the telly get it while its still warm (but cooling)

disclaimer: its a big file 22mb, and there are no naked women at all :(

Sick and tired

Greetings and salutations. My apologies for not blogging yesterday, and for not blogging today (unless you count this as a genuine post, in which case you're a moron and easily satisfied - thank you). The Salami is sitting in a waist-deep pile of work that, unfortunately, is so pressing and urgent that I can't take the time to surf through my favourite smut and porn sites to bring you the news that matters, as it happens, for these few days. Its 04h40. I've been in the office since 04h05. I have a horrible cold, and I'm very tired. And the day, in the words of The Carpenters, "has only just begun....doo doo doo".

So please accept my humblest apologies. Otherwise fuck off. As soon as I have some free time, you'll be the first to know.

In the meantime, smg will dazzle you with his slightly inferior wit. I hope.

Monday, December 13, 2004

What the vok?

This is the most fucked up thing i've seen all afternoon.

I'm not sure if its not safe for work. maybe scroll down to the second row of pictures and decide for yourself.

honestly, some people's children.

(thanks gino)

The best dancer on the planet

Yip, its Flavor Flav

...and don't I feel stupid for giving him 2 bucks at the corner of Glenhove and Oxford on Saturday afternoon (see the post below if you need context). FYI, this guy's a big time rapper.

WOW!! So Quasimodo did have sex with a vervet monkey!! That solves that mystery. This dude is one of the creepiest things I've ever seen (other than The Grudge, which I saw last night and which literally made me cry like a little girl).

What the fuck is the deal with the enormous clocks? Is he trying to make a statement? Like: "I'm as illiterate as I look"? Jeez. Maybe he should sell his stupid clocks and go to the dentist. Unless he doesn't want to compromise his loyal Cape Flats following, that is. I dunno.

Just when I think I might actually understand the mentality of the entertainment industry, nimrods like this Nimrod come along and fuck it all up for me. So thanks for nothing.

PS. Toadie, notice how I deliberately avoided any reference to you apropos height and issues with analog clocks? (Oops.)


Bridgitte Nielsen, Anna Nicole Smith and some stupid fucking nimrod who clearly has problems telling time (although I think it might be rapper Flavor Flav, in which case I'll just call him Nimrod, because its a catchier, less fucking irritatingly shit name).

I don't know what the fuck was going on here, where the fuck it was taken, or...again...what Nimrod's fucking problem/story/psychosis is.

This trio is like a school on fire. No class. And I've got no time for Nimrod. Hahahahaha (jeez, I'm funny after four cups of Ricoffy).

Merry Christmas, from Victoria's Secret

In the true spirit of Christmas, the Angels Across America gals strip down to their pants and bras and give the seduction game their very best. I wasn't really seduced all that much. Sure, they're all fucking hot, and I'd give a year's salary to bang any one of them, but they'd better just keep their annoying yaps shut. They're supermodels, for Santa's sake!! Don't expect them to utter anything remotely emotional or intelligent whilst they're trying to look sexy at the same time. Prioritise, prioritise - the whole thing would have been much better if they'd just had melting ice cubes in their mouths. So that the water could trickle down their chins, and run along the...yikes.

You have been warned! Watch this with sound at your peril.

Sunday, December 12, 2004

Tha Shizzolator

Ask Snoop Dog to translate you favourite website from the shizzle into da shiznit (if you know what i mean).

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