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Saturday, October 09, 2004

splatterlift

just testing a new look for the blog. please bear with us for a bit.

seeing though i'm posting i might as well give you something to visit - i just want BANGBANGBANG! [need sound]




Friday, October 08, 2004

Guess the dictator / Sitcom star

An oldy but a classic nonetheless: Guess the dictator / sitcom character




Ken Bigley beheaded



It is with no sense of pride or accomplishment that I report that British hostage, Ken Bigley, who had been held captive by the militant al Qaeda-linked Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, was killed on Thursday afternoon in Latifiya, southwest of Baghdad.

Bigley had featured in two video clips filmed by his kidnappers, pleading for both his life and for the release of Iraqi women held captive by American forces in Iraq. The videos, and Bigley's capture, has consistently made world headlines throughout its duration.

In both videos, Bigley had made desparate appeals for the intervention of British PM Tony Blair. Both the U.S. and British governments have said they will not negotiate with hostage-takers.

Whilst I cannot, and will never, condone the murder of innocent civilians, it is my heartfelt belief that both Bush and Blair must be held liable and accountable for the death of Bigley and of the other kidnapping victims who have met similar fates in the months since the video depicting the murder of American Nic Berg was first released.

Enough. I'm upset, pissed-off and frustrated. I'm going to go and get shit-faced now.




Six degrees of Kevin Bacon


Anyone remember that ol' game, where you have to link up any actor or actress with Monsieur Bacon in no more than 6 common denominating movies? They really know their shit at the University of Virginia. Try out the Oracle of Bacon- i haven't been able to push it past 3 degrees.

Let me know if it struggles with anyone (apparently it won't do John Wayne?).





UPDATE: Rainbow (originally posted 29/09/04)

"For those of you who don't know, "Rainbow" was a credible childrens TV show from the 70's and 80's. This clip was actually broadcast and watched by millions of youngsters maybe)." Rainbow

UPDATE (from BoingBoing) Michael sez: From imdb: 'There are currently rumours doing the rounds that Rainbow was nearly axed due to an 'obscene' edition being made that contained a lot of sexual innuendo about balls, twangers, plucking and so forth, a clip of which was shown on a late-night Channel Four comedy show. In fact, this edition of Rainbow was never meant to be broadcast 'properly', it was an in-joke performed by the cast and crew for a Christmas party at the production studios. It has long been a tradition within the British television industry for the videotape editing department to produce 'Christmas shows' consisting of bloopers, X-rated moments and suchlike fare to be shown at the seasonal gatherings, and the 'adult' Rainbow was produced with that in mind.'




Bush, Cheney concede that Iraq had no WMDs

"WASHINGTON - President Bush and his vice president conceded Thursday in the clearest terms yet that Saddam Hussein had no weapons of mass destruction, even as they tried to shift the Iraq war debate to a new issue — whether the invasion was justified because Saddam was abusing a U.N. oil-for-food program.

Ridiculing the Bush administration's evolving rationale for war, Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry shot back: "You don't make up or find reasons to go to war after the fact."

Vice President Dick Cheney brushed aside the central findings of chief U.S. weapons hunter Charles Duelfer — that Saddam not only had no weapons of mass destruction and had not made any since 1991, but that he had no capability of making any either — while Bush unapologetically defended his decision to invade Iraq.

"The Duelfer report showed that Saddam was systematically gaming the system, using the U.N. oil-for-food program to try to influence countries and companies in an effort to undermine sanctions," Bush said as he prepared to fly to campaign events in Wisconsin. "He was doing so with the intent of restarting his weapons program once the world looked away."

Duelfer found no formal plan by Saddam to resume WMD production, but the inspector surmised that Saddam intended to do so if U.N. sanctions were lifted. Bush seized upon that inference, using the word "intent" three times in reference to Saddam's plans to resume making weapons.
This week marks the first time that the Bush administration has listed abuses in the oil-for-fuel program as an Iraq war rationale. But the strategy holds risks because some of the countries that could be implicated include U.S. allies, such as Poland, Jordan and Egypt. In addition, the United States itself played a significant role in both the creation of the program and how it was operated and overseen.

For his part, Cheney dismissed the significance of Duelfer's central findings, telling supporters in Miami, "The headlines all say `no weapons of mass destruction stockpiled in Baghdad.' We already knew that."

The vice president said he found other parts of the report "more intriguing," including the finding that Saddam's main goal was the removal of international sanctions
."

Read more: Yahoo
Very cool.



Rock Paper Scissors Spock Lizard

"This game was invented because it seems like when you know someone well enough, 75-80% of any Rock-Paper-Scissors games you play with that person end up in a tie. Well, here is a slight variation that reduces that probability. (Note that for those of you who like to swing your fist back and forth and say, "Rock, Paper, Scissors, GO!", might want to continue to do that, replacing "Rock" with "One," "Paper" with "Two," and "Scissors" with "Three.") This version is also nice because it satisfies the Law of Fives."



Jeez. Whatever.




Cher to go naked

To celebrate her 60th birthday, Cher has decided to do what most grandmothers do as they slide off into their twilight years: sell pictures of her naked body for the "benefit" of mankind.



"The star reportedly wants to celebrate her landmark birthday by posing naked for a men's magazine.

The Believe singer, who turns 60 in May 2006, will strip off on a Hawaiian beach for the steamy photo shoot reports Femalefirst quoting America's In Touch magazine.

A source said: "She looks amazing and wants to capture her physical beauty on film."

Why, Cher, why? As if her music wasn't hideous enough. Who is this "source" purveying these bare-faced lies? Does he actually have eyes with which to behold the frightening reality he/she is so fervently promoting?

If Cher wanted to capture her "physical beauty", she should have done it when she was 18 or 20 - because to capture something, you have to find it first. Good luck, Nana: you're gonna need it.



Gisele's lesbian kiss



"Gisele Bundchen claims she was left "traumatised" by the lesbian kiss she shared in her debut movie.

The stunning model, who stars as a sexy thief in upcoming film 'Taxi', was shocked when she learned she would have to kiss her female co-star, Jennifer Esposito.

She told Britain's Hello magazine: "When I found out, I thought, 'You've got to be kidding me.'"

Grrrrr. I'm looking forward to this one! Word on the street is that "Taxi" is actually a really shit movie, but who gives a crap what the word says, right? This is all kinda Cindy Crawford/"Fair Game"-ish, if you ask me - remember all the hype about getting to see Cindy lose her kit? I really used to love Cindy. Of course, most of her lovely body was obscured by the writhing ass and back of Billy Baldwin, which I did not love all that much.

Gisele's co-star, Jennifer Esposito, is also a hottie. She played Stacey, the Latino secretary, in "Spin City" during its first couple of seasons. I always thought she was very nice. So the prospect of some girl-on-girl tongue action between these two smouldering beeatches is almost certainly enough to get me to drag my ass down to the bioscope for "Taxi".

Gisele commented further: "It was traumatising in the beginning, but then I got used to it.". Funny, because that's how most girls describe their experience with me. I reckon Gisele and I should date. Finito.




Thursday, October 07, 2004

More Team America: World Police


"From the minds of Trey Parker and Matt Stone (the creators of South Park), this politcally-minded comedy action/adventure tells the story of Team America, a group of superhero-style adventurers who travel the world fighting terrorism and other evils. Specifically, the story focuses on a typical "action hero" who is recruited to join Team America for a special mission, as a satire of the typical Hollywood action movie, using a combination of wood marionette-driven action sequences and stirring tongue-in-cheek musical numbers. " Yahoo

I recommend you visit the site above. There are a couple of video clips that are pretty darn amusing. And if this promises to be anything like South Park, then I'm really excited.



No Iraqi WMD's, says top US arms inspector

"WASHINGTON - Contradicting the main argument for a war that has cost more than 1,000 American lives, the top U.S. arms inspector said Wednesday he found no evidence that Iraq (news - web sites) produced any weapons of mass destruction after 1991. He also concluded that Saddam Hussein (news - web sites)'s capabilities to develop such weapon had dimmed — not grown — during a dozen years of sanctions before last year's U.S. invasion." Yahoo News

I could get stuck into this again, but I won't. Partly cos my boss is giving me crap for running late with an urgent delivery, but also because I think my position on the whole US - Iraq debacle is abundantly clear as from earlier posts. Its also fundamentally the same view shared by billions around the world.

However, for the record (and because I like it), Bush is a L-O-S-E-R! He's also an ugly turd-burglar with bad hair. Nuff sed.



Paris Hilton's pop faux pas


"NAUGHTY hotel heiress Paris Hilton was booed off stage as she tried to launch a pop career.

Clubbers stood and watched Paris, 23 — best known for her home sex video turning up on the internet — scream “I hate techno” then lip-synch through her first single Screwed.

But they heckled and turned their backs when she attempted cover versions of David Bowie’s Fame and a Blondie classic.

One reveller in Miami said: “Paris quickly left.”
"

Ag shame, Paris. Although, I do sorta admire her for even trying. This chick has been and done practically everything that can be done in the entertainment industry, bar broadway musicals and live sex shows (which, as far as I'm concerned, is one of the more refined arts). And she's still only very young. Mmmmm. I wish I was in the entertainment industry. Granted, I don't think I would ever buy her CD, but to her credit, I'm still looking for a half-decent copy of her DVD.



Wednesday, October 06, 2004

New R-rated puppet movie

"Hollywood's film ratings board reached accord with producers on Tuesday over how much puppet sex moviegoers under age 17 are allowed to see in an upcoming action-thriller spoof starring a cast of marionettes.

"Team America: World Police" received an R rating from the Motion Picture Association of America after producers made several changes to the film to avoid the more restrictive NC-17 label, officials from the MPAA and distributor Paramount Pictures confirmed.

Agreement on a rating for the film from Matt Stone and Trey Parker -- creators of the animated cable TV series "South Park" -- came just four days before the movie is slated to open for "sneak previews" in 800 theaters nationwide.

But according to the Los Angeles Times, the MPAA board and the film's producers were at odds over a scene that depicts simulated sex between the wooden marionettes.

"There's nothing we're asking for that hasn't appeared in other R-rated movies, and our characters are made of wood," (producer Scott) Rudin told the newspaper.

Parker added: "It's something we all did as kids with Barbie and Ken dolls. ... The whole joke of it is that it's just two dolls flopping around on each other. You see the hinges on their legs."

Parker told the newspaper he was surprised that the MPAA seemed more concerned with sex than violence in his film, which he said includes scenes in which a puppet likeness of actor Tim Robbins is set on fire and a Susan Sarandon puppet is dropped from a high-rise building.

The film, inspired by the marionette animation of the British TV series "Thunderbirds," is a send-up of the high-octane action genre. It centers on an international police force that fights to thwart a power-hungry dictator, depicted as North Korean leader Kim Jong-il, from brokering weapons of mass destruction to terrorists.

The film also lampoons several of Hollywood's most outspoken liberal activists, including Robbins, Sarandon and filmmaker Michael Moore."
Yahoo

Yet another movie that can't come too soon. Sigh, always looking to the future, I am.



Rodney Dangerfield dies

Its a sad day for comedy worldwide.



"
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Rodney Dangerfield, the goggle-eyed comic famed for his self-deprecating one-liners and signature phrase "I can't get no respect," died on Tuesday at age 82, his spokesman said.

A veteran Las Vegas headliner and TV variety-show fixture who became a pop culture sensation in middle age with a string of broad film comedies starting with "Caddyshack" in 1980, Dangerfield died at the UCLA Medical Center, where he had undergone heart valve replacement surgery on Aug. 25, spokesman Kevin Sasaki said.

Although his initial forays into show business fizzled, Dangerfield successfully restarted his career as a comedian in his 40s. Opening one of America's first comedy clubs -- the now-famous Dangerfield's in Manhattan -- he went on to become a national sensation in his own right and helped launch the careers of such comics as Jim Carrey and Jerry Seinfeld
."

Dangerfield had previously suffered a stroke in August, and spent the rest of his days in and out of hospital.

Last spring, he had undergone brain surgery."A month later, Dangerfield greeted reporters at the hospital dressed in a sports shirt and Bermuda shorts and declared, "My brain is OK. I feel like a new man." Later, responding to a medical question, he answered, "Ask me about things I'm familiar with, like drugs or prostitution."

Sigh, old Rodney will be missed. He was a funny man. Not as funny as Chevy Chase, who is without question the funniest man alive (and who was not killed on 9/11, as some have tried to convince me), but funny nevertheless.




He-Man returns!



YES!! YES!! John Woo (of Face/Off and Paycheck fame) has been signed by Fox to direct a new Masters of the Universe flick. I'm sure we all remember the embarassing 1987 attempt to bring He-Man and pals to life, with Dolph Lundgren as the panty-clad Prince Adam and veteran stage actor Frank Langella as the angry, bulimic Skeletor. Hmm. I watched it with my gran at the old two-tiered Rondebosch Nu Metro in the Fountain Centre. Neither of us were impressed. Let's hope that this time round Mr Woo puts in a little more effort, mkay?

There's no word yet as to who will actually star in the movie, and I have to admit - i'm at a loss myself. Why not post some suggestions as comments?

Oh boy oh boy oh boy! I can't wait for this one! "By the power of Grayskull!"

In the meantime, check out one of the bigger He-Man fan sites for a laugh: he-man.org




Tuesday, October 05, 2004

The truth about Iraq



"Dear Splattermail

You are the coolest part of my day. Without you, I would be lost. I hope you like this picture I sent you.

With love always,

Toadie"



Macaulay Culkin is gay!



And I'm not just saying that. Again. This time it looks legit. According to popbytes, lil' Kevin from the Home Alone series has been "romantically linked" with animal rights activist and TV spokesperson Jeffrey Brunner.

Together, the pair have been campaigning for gerbil rights and freedoms which, if granted, would entitle US resident gerbils to engage, inter alia, in consensual sexual relations with animals of any species, including human beings and Macaulay Culkin. I keed, I keed!!

Aah, well. I guess the little wanker is just happy to get it wherever he finds it.



Janet Leigh dies


"LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Hollywood movie star Janet Leigh (mother of actress Jamie Lee Curtis), best known as the (showering) knife attack victim in Alfred Hitchcock's "Psycho," has died at the age of 77, CNN reported on Monday."

Leigh was nominated for an Oscar for her role in Psycho, but otherwise had an unremarkable career. She will, however, remain a cinematic icon beacuse of that role for decades to come.



Moon Unit Zappa has the weirdest name in the world

...and its official, according to Ananova.

The top twenty fucked-up names, according to a poll of 1000 Poms between the ages of 18 to 25, are the following:

1) Moon Unit; Frank/Gail Zappa
2) Fifi Trixibelle; Paula Yates/Bob Geldof
3) Satchel; Mia Farrow/Woody Allen
4) Apple; Gwyneth Paltrow/Chris Martin
5) Daisy Boo; Julia/Jamie Oliver
6) Rumer; Demi Moore/Bruce Willis
7) Peaches; Paula Yates/Bob Geldof
8) River; Arlyn/John Phoenix
9) Rocco; Madonna/Guy Ritchie
10) Nell Marmalade; Helen Baxendale/David Eliot
11) Maddox; Angelina Jolie/(Adopted)
12) Tiger Lily Heavenly Hirani; Paula Yates/Michael Hutchence
13) Dweezil; Frank/Gail Zappa
14) Brooklyn: Victoria/David Beckham
15) Eugenie; Sarah Ferguson/Prince Andrew
16) Zowie; Angie/David Bowie
17) Rolan; Gloria Jones/Marc Bolan
18) Phoenix Chi; Mel C/Jimmy Gulzar
19) Coco; Courtney Cox/David Arquette
20) Romeo; Victoria/David Beckham

Let's not forget how reliable and unbiased these polls are - less than 5 years ago, a similar such poll of ignorant, oxygen-starved Brits voted Steps as the most influential band in history, ahead of the Beatles and Elvis.



SpaceShipOne wins the race



"MOJAVE DESERT, California (CNN) -- SpaceShipOne achieved its most spectacular flight yet, climbing to an altitude of 377,591 feet (71 1/2 miles) to win the $10 million Ansari X Prize on Monday.

X Prize officials said it set an altitude record exceeding the military X-15's top altitude of 354,200 feet (67 miles) set on August 22, 1963."
CNN

The $10 million prize is supposedly intended to promote and advance civilian space flight. Seems like a hell of a lot of work. Frankly, I'd rather stick to the Lotto.

Big up to South African pilot Mike Melvill who completed the first two of the three space trips required to take the winning cheque. Brian Binnie, who piloted the final trip, reported that his trip was a little bumpy, particularly when the craft went into a roll.

Pathetic, useless Yanks. Melvill managed his second trip despite spiralling through 29 rolls. With a hot cup of coffee between his thighs, one hand on the throttle and a faceful of steak 'n kidney pie.




Lennon killer up for parole


Mark David Chapman, the man currently serving his 24th year in prison for the murder of John Lennon on 8 December 1980, is eligible for parole. Again. Chapman has been denied parole on two prior occasions, in 2000 and 2002 respectively.

Chapman has received numerous death threats from Lennon worshippers, and has been told that he will be killed the second he steps out of prison.

The Smoking Gun has a rather interesting piece, featuring a letter written by Lennon's widow, Yoko Ono, to the parole board, pleading with them to refuse Chapman's parole. Makes for topical and interesting reading, I think.

Yoko Ono was always a strange bird, wasn't she? Not really my cup of tea.




Rumsfeld says no WMD's

In not so shocking news (but great news nevertheless), US Secretary of Defence, Donald Rumsfeld (who's term has arguably been a bumpy one), has now confirmed that US intelligence was "wrong" in concluding that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction, and that he "simply doesn't know" the reasons for the error. Rumsfeld added that, to his knowledge, he had "not seen any strong, hard evidence that links the two".


Only four months or so ago, in June, Vice President Dick Cheney reported that: "There clearly was a relationship [between Saddam Hussein and Iraq]. It's been testified to. The evidence is overwhelming".

These remarks come less than a week after the Kerry-Bush Presidential Debate, in which Bush fiercely defended (blah blah blah, doesn't he always) his position apropos the war on Iraq. It now seems that, according to a leading figure in his cabinet, the only two reasons for the Iraqi invasion lack any real substance whatsoever. Of course, we all knew this anyway, but confirmation from someone in the know (and who better than Rumsfeld?) is bloody marvelous. The fact that Rumsfeld is himself a veritable ass-sucking puppet-boy in the field on international politics (probably even monkey politics too), and the Bush administration's whipping boy, will be conveniently overlooked.

No WMD's. No ostensible relationship between Saddam and al Qaeda. So why did the US go to war? The answer is simple: George Bush is a fucking donkey idiot cock with flapping ears and a face you want to smash with bricks. Now THAT should get canvassed in the Debates.



Monday, October 04, 2004

The end of the Simpsons?



Could it be true?

"SIMPSONS creator Matt Groening has revealed he wants the hit show to end. Matt, 50, is finding it increasingly tough to think up new ideas for the cartoon family.

“The Simpsons’ success has been unbelievable. But the show gets harder and harder every year because we are trying to keep surprising the audience — and trying to surprise ourselves", says Groening.

Actors who do voices for Bart and co signed a four-year deal in May, doubling their salary to £147,000 an episode. That takes them up to series 19, in 2008.

Animator Matt hopes to do one more after that, to rival America's longest-running show Gunsmoke, a Western that ran for 20 series."
The Sun

It would be a sad moment for television indeed! But, and don't lynch me for saying it, maybe the Simpsons have had their time? They're definately not as funny as they used to be.




Kerry v Bush: the transcript



I was fortunate enough to catch the closing remarks of both candidates in the first US presidential debate, held during the course of last week. And it only reaffirmed my position ahead of the upcoming elections - Bush is a ridiculous clown-boy moron, and Kerry can't help but look good standing next to him. To be fair to Kerry, he is good, and he doesn't need a monkey like George to boost his image.

I've been able to track down the
full transcript of the debate itself, and there are some humdingers in it. Unfortunately, although I guess it is the issue on which the presidency will ultimately be decided, a shitload of time is spent debating the war in Iraq and the war on terror (yes, they are two independent wars - go and stick your head up your ass if you disagree).

In closing, here's chairperson Jim Lehrer posing a question to Kerry with respect to the aforesaid wars:

"LEHRER: New question, two minutes, Senator Kerry.

"Colossal misjudgments." What colossal misjudgments, in your opinion, has President Bush made in these areas?

KERRY: Well, where do you want me to begin?"

I'm loving' it.



Kids visit Margaritaville



"SEPTEMBER 29--Earlier this month, the staff, faculty, and Board of Trustees at Virginia's private Alexandria Country Day School had a Mexican-themed dinner complete with some tasty margaritas. For some reason, the leftover hooch was placed in a school refrigerator. You can probably guess what's coming next. On September 10, the booze was mistaken for "limeade" by school workers and actually served at lunch to students in the third, fourth, and fifth grades.

The margarita mixup came after the school ran out of milk and apparently had no negative effect of the students, who "sipped it and said that it didn't taste good." They're young, they'll learn. An embarrassed and contrite Harvey promised that booze will now be banned on campus and all faculty parties will be held off-site
."

Yeah, right - it was served "by accident". More likely that some disgruntled cafeteria worker, who was sick of getting shat on all day by parents and teachers, and for having to put up with crappy spoilt private school biters, just decided he'd get them all drunk and invite them back to his place for a "slumber party". Heck, it could happen. Apparently it was a big problem at Bishops during the mid-eighties to early nineties.

Anyhoo, here's the letter sent from the school to the parents.



Meet Droopy Cock



Well, its actually Drew Peacock, but his parents only realised this when his old boy did an internet search for famous namesakes and was prompted by Google: "Do you mean 'Droopy Cock'?". Ha ha - Google can be funny. Poor kid, though.

"
Russell Peacock said: “People at work are already saying, ‘Hey, look there’s Droopy’s dad’.

“But we don’t want to change his name. It is on his birth certificate and other documents.”"

Russell Peacock is a tosser. I bet Droopy won't give a flying fuck what his birth certificate says.

Read: The Sun





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